we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
