Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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