i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
