i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
