What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i think my cat just said my name.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
