i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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