Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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