How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
