Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
