all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
