tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
