We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
