Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can text with my tongue
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
