I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
