I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
