I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
