so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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