You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm always down for nudity.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
