What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
