I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize