Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
porn star boner night. come get it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
