wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
