You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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