hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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