I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
