i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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