How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
