my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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