You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
