I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
