I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
