ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
