How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
