if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
