Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
