im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
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