I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
