you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Randomize
