Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
