I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
