Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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