Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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