I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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