All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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