don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
