Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
