Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
