I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
