her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
