My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
