were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize