It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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