thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
