I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
