Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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