i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
