I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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