The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
