it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
