If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
bring money and cleavage
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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