I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
