Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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