And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
