Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
