The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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