OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
