why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
tell me about the eggs
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
