I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
