You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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