i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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