paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
