My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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