the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize